


No time for regrets

by angelicstubborness



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-01-26 10:38:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1685345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelicstubborness/pseuds/angelicstubborness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke loses everyone she loves, despite trying desperately to carve a good life out for her family in Kirkwall. Will the one person she trusts be able to help her overcome her grief?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Bioware. Characters, storyline, etc.  
Pairings: F Hawke/Varric. Isabella/Fenris.  
Summary: Hawke loses everyone she loves, despite trying desperately to carve a good life out for her family in Kirkwall. Will the one person she trusts be able to help her overcome her grief?

 

She slipped silently out of her uncle’s home, making sure not to step close to her mabari, Shale. Which was a trick since his hearing was much better than a normal dog’s. She didn’t want to risk waking Bethany. Her sister would insist on going with her, but in the dark of this night she needed to be alone. She silently slipped her daggers into their sheaths and headed for the hanged man slowly. To drown her memories during the night so she could continue to function normally in the light.  
She glowered at the few braving the streets at night. She hated running errands for people who were too cowardly to do them on their own, but the people in Lowtown barely had enough coin to spare for food and medicines, and coin is what she really needed. Even after running around for weeks already, she only had half of the sovereigns that Varric had requested for the expedition. Not that any of that mattered, really, she had to give her sister and mother a better life here. She owed it to them, especially after not being able to save…  
She whipped her head back and forth to clear the memory, if not the guilt away. Squaring her shoulders as she entered the tavern, she took a quick glance around to make sure none of her companions were around, and snagged a seat in a dark corner.   
“Ale. And keep it coming until I say,” concentrating her next few hours on keeping from thinking about anything. Ale, even the rat-piss the Hanged Man served, helped with that nicely. It washed away Mother’s cry after her only son fell, washed away memories of her sobbing grief that went on without end. Washed away Bethany crying softly every night for the past year since arriving in Kirkwall.   
It was harder to wash away the feeling of defeat; knowing that she was the reason her brother was dead. Her baby brother, who trailed after her as they played, who trained with her when he was old enough. Who she held when their father died and he was too proud to let anyone see him cry.   
If she had only been faster, if she had seen the troll veering off in their direction in time… If she had been stronger; to break free and get there before the disgusting monster grabbed him, crushing him into the ground and tossing his body aside like garbage...  
She took another swig of the ale, closing her eyes and leaned back in her chair as she fought the emotions back down. Maker forgive her, but she still had to be the strong one. The one that would give her remaining family the life they deserved. Maybe then she could ask forgiveness from them for failing Carver, for failing both of them. Maybe Father could forgive her when she joined him at the Maker’s side.   
But not now. For now, she had work to do. She finished a few more cups of ale before finally going to collapse in the room she always used at the tavern on nights like this, when the past haunted her. In the morning she would be back to normal and would tell them the same old lies, that she was helping someone. No one ever questioned it, and she took some small relief from that as she fell into a dreamless sleep.   
What she didn’t know however, was that while she had been lost in memories and ale, someone had been watching her. He decided to wait until morning to talk to her. Recognizing that look on her face from previous nights, he started thinking of ways he could break through that armor she always wore when people were looking.


	2. I couldn't save him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to come back to this after a really long time because I have been playing the game recently and I really wish this was a pairing.

She groaned as she sat up on the musty mattress, among other smells and rubbed her eyes. "Maker..there are no windows in here so why is it so damn bright?" She grumbled to herself.   
"Must be my shining personality." Came from the door and she damn near jumped out of her skin.   
"Andrastes tits, Varric don't do that!" She snapped at the chuckling dwarf as he stepped further into the room an sank back onto the bed holding her pounding head.   
"Sorry, brought you this. Figured you'd need it after last night." He said and passed her two cups, one coffee and one water. She sat up to accept them gratefully   
"Mmm...you're forgiven and thank you. You're a lifesaver." She groaned happily and patted his shoulder when he sat next to her   
"No problem." He said and waited.  
"I don't want to talk about it."   
"That's fine."   
Moments passed and he snuck a glance at her. Even missed and hungover she was beautiful, something he would probably spin into a story, how she never was truly hungover.   
"She blames me you know." She mumbled and rested her arms over her eyes. He knew what was bothering her would come out eventually. She always talked to him when they were alone. He waited, knowing there was more.   
"And who can blame her? He was my baby brother. I should have stayed closer to him I should have been the one to charge that ogre..."   
"Youre too hard on yourself. If you had charged it he might have fell to the mob of darks pawn you were dealing with." He said and rested his hand over hers on the bed. Slowly her fingers curled around his hand in return.   
"But..."   
"No, contrary to everyone's belief Hawke everything isn't on your shoulders. What happened to carver was horrible but it wasn't your fault."   
"Varric.."   
"It wasnt." He said and squeezed her hand "and you can't keep trying to drink it away Hawke. It'd be a waste. Live life, that's what he would have wanted." He said softly.   
She rolled so she was pressed to the side of him an he laid back. It wasn't romantic or sexual, he knew that. It was one friend needing comfort from the other. He lay back and let her wrap an arm around him and felt her breathing slow as she settled into the first restful sleep she had in a long time.   
He lay there, not daring to move or let himself notice how beautiful her resting face was. He closed his eyes and relaxed, letting himself doze while she rested.


End file.
